Before we ring in the new year, let’s visit our finest images from Christmas 2007. In a stunning recap to my mother’s Thanksgiving butter extravaganza, my sister presents her Pam Collection: The house was filled with other visual delights, including the Land O Lakes boobs: And what is probably my favorite, the Thomas Kinkade cuckoo [...]
Archive for December, 2007
I don’t know if I finished Even Cowgirls Get The Blues the first time around or if, as seems increasingly likely, I got to the lesbian part with its dazzling mixture of homophobia and girl-on-girl action and threw the damn thing across the room in a rage. “…at least half the cowgirls on the ranch [...]
I was just closing the blinds after I noticed as usual that I was freezing. Or to be more precise, I noticed I was freezing and then I struggled with the blinds while slats fell off and then I tried to wrench the blinds into place over the spot where 2 of the slats are [...]
Guinness. You know I love it. So what is up with people who can only appreciate it as part of Irish Car Bombs? I was hearing all about this over Christmas as I was, in my somewhat sheltered way, commenting that I was surprised yet pleased to see Guinness ads on TV. Not particularly good [...]
Sometimes I find myself laying (LYING!!) on the new couch, lazily taking pictures of myself and imagining what the caption would say if this were a magazine. Pants by Banana Republic Shoes by Banana Republic Sweater by Banana Republic Tie by Banana Republic Socks by Target Booze by Jim Beam Hmm. Pants by Levi’s Shoes [...]
1. Apply Icy Hot to sore shoulder 2. Take a leak 3. Wait 30 seconds 4. YOW!! Editor’s note: Between steps 1 and 2 I did wash my hands, but apparently not well enough. After step 4 I attempted to wash off the Icy Hot from sensitive areas, but failed and only spread it around, [...]
It turns out the wreath is on a gravestone- esque marker for the graveyard, and not on an actual gravestone. But still.
An Open Letter To Old Navy Regarding Velvet Blazers And Other Serious Subjects
Published December 23rd, 2007 in Daily. 0 CommentsDear Old Navy, I appreciate your efforts to make shopping fun again with kicky mid-century modern graphic design, low prices, and so on. I have on at least two occasions purchased unflattering sunglasses at your store because they were on sale for $2, and I purchased a pair of gray shorts 9 years ago which [...]
Christmas cards, cds, and I also made gift tags. That’s what we call an Integrated Design Solution, folks. Yep yep.
I’m at Starbucks last night making some extremely thoughtful Christmas purchases. Actually, I really like their Christmas blend and I really don’t see why any coffee drinker wouldn’t like to receive some. I always do. Me: (carrying several bags of coffee to the counter) And can I please get one of them ground. Worker Lady: [...]
I went shopping today. Christmas shopping, to be exact. And since it is 3 AM, technically this was yesterday. So to begin again, yesterday I went Christmas shopping in Roanoke. Technically yesterday, I did this. But for the purpose of this blog post, it may as well have been today. I got called Sweetie a [...]
Well, masterpiece might be a bit strong. But this Travelocity ad has the world-traveling gnome from Amelie jumping on a bed in a moderately swanky hotel room. How long has this campaign been going on? Because I think it is brilliant. Years, probably. I should get out more.
Note how the Camel Snus (short for sinus? What?) has, instead of the Egyptian theme of many Camel cigarette boxes, depicted here in Exhibit A: What appears to be the Hagia Sophia, located in Istanbul, actually in Turkey. And it is a Turkish tobacco blend, people. Exhibit B with Istanbul skyline: Cultural sensitivity? I think [...]
Sample Conversation Re: Tires and Comparative Masculinity
Published December 17th, 2007 in Daily. 0 CommentsHim: I need to get two new tires tomorrow, somewhere in Radford. Me: Well, there’s the Exxon on Main Street. I got a tire there once. They were pretty fast, and the owner’s meth teeth are pretty funny. Him: There’s also a Jiffy Lube over by the library. Me: Oh? I didn’t realize there was [...]
I’ve been down to turn in grades this morning. You have to take the Scantron forms down to the registrar’s office. Grades were due at 10 AM, and I got down there at about 9:50. The place was a sea of tweed. A raging, predominantly bearded sea.
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