I heard a crash last night.

I decided the house was so small there was no way it was an intruder, so I just went back to sleep.

There’s no explanation for why the paintings suddenly fell off the wall. The windows were closed. It’s not an earthquake region.

I guess it was gnomes.

The world has seen better photographs. The only part of this one that appears to be in focus is the wood of the “coffee table”- a term we loosely use to describe a couple of boxes near the couch.

But this is excellent hot chocolate and available from the grocery store. You do not have to spend $14 to buy it from Williams Sonoma.

It has actual cocoa in it- the American kinds of hot chocolate mix are all artificial chocolate flavor. I don’t really see the point in that. Who wants artificial chocolate? I don’t.

It’s a lot more convenient than taking Hershey’s baking cocoa and then adding sugar and then it doesn’t dissolve so you inhale the powder and choke, and then spit hot chocolate all over the house. This stuff is specially formulated to dissolve, I’m assuming. Because it dissolves beautifully.

And since we’ve had San Francisco weather around here for the past week, hot chocolate is pretty seasonally appropriate, somehow.

Chicken and Waffles is a foodstuff I am intimately familiar with since I own a waffle iron, and I’m an especially lazy cook. I also internalized Men’s Health notions of the importance of eating tons of lean animal proteins so I can develop a jacked body and LOSE THAT BELLY FAT!

But there is a whole restaurant devoted to this theme in Roanoke, VA. And it’s not really about the Flavor of Health. It’s more about the Delicious Flavor of Fried Foods combined with plenty of sugar and other simple carbohydrates.

The eating methodology is to tear up the fried chicken, put it on top of the waffle which already has about a pound of butter on it (and also cinnamon), and then pour syrup and hot sauce on top. I actually screwed up this methodology and put the syrup down first- before the chicken. You don’t want to do that because you want the syrup and the hot sauce to mix.

The food was excellent. The walls were deep pink, the waitress wore purple lipstick and when asked how she was doing, said she was “blessed.”

It was awesome.

The only thing is that you feel like you can’t cuss in this place- not because it is hoity toity but because it actually FEELS WRONG but you don’t care. It’s all about values, I guess. You come out of this place on the straight and narrow highway. And then you pee every 10 minutes all night because of all the salt and the 2 gallons of sweet tea you drank.

A vision of my meal:

How can I help but plan a 28th birthday blowout at this place?

Hummer’s been discontinued, apparently.

I love this:

“Whatever the price of gas,” said Glen Peck, director of the Hummer Club, a national organization of enthusiasts, “we’ll drive them to hell and back.”

People can be so crazy.

I caved last night and turned on the A/C. It doesn’t work properly, much like the heat before it. Most of the time it is uncomfortably warm and the rest of the time it is freezing. Sometimes it blows hot air, sometimes it blows cold air, sometimes it turns itself off and on every 10 seconds, sometimes it blows for hours. I already know what will happen if I mention this to Bruce the crazy landlord. He’ll send his 90 year old father to take it apart and then it won’t work at all for weeks.

But the A/C at the studio is also broken and thus there is no way to escape the sweltering heat. No reasonable way. Without the A/C. Functional or not.

And once you go A/C you pretty much can’t go back. It is very seductive.

It was probably time, my Rolos had turned to a liquid mush in the package, and they were just sitting out on the counter.

Of course they were sitting right by the microwave which also does not work properly and I suspect they could have been bombarded by microwaves that shoot all around the house instead of staying in the microwave to heat up the food. The combination of cold soup and hot Rolos is probably not my first choice.

Him: What are you doing? Reading the paper?
Me: Yes.
Him: Looks like a boring kind of life.

Had to learn to knit today. Somehow it became a challenge to my masculinity not to, which obviously makes no sense because:

1. I know gender is a construct, I took Women’s Studies class, and therefore my alleged masculinity needs no defense. As Will Smith told us, “It’s OK to cry. Ain’t no shame in it!”
2. Knitting is only manly in opposite-land.

But, regardless. A challenge was posed and I rose to it. I am man enough to knit, is the bottom line here.

Once I got the hang of it I began to knit with real fervor.

I was aiming for a bookmark but wound up with a knitted shrimp.

Best product placement I think I’ve ever seen in a movie: Levi’s red tab on Shia LeBeouf’s ass at the very end of Indiana Jones and the Crystal Whatever. Right in the center of the screen so you could not possibly miss it.

They taught us in acting class not to stand with your ass to the audience unless you have a. a really good reason or b. a really great ass. So I guess this would be both.

Not that it matters to me, since I already wear Levi’s red tab denim, and definitely have no ass.

And may I just say I thought the movie was KICK ASS FANTASTIC!!! It had everything: humor, hyperbole, action, motorcycles, leather jackets. Dueling with swords. Russian accents. I can’t think of any way it could have been better. And I really hope they make more.

Actually the one way I think it could have been better is if they had made the skulls more like Damien Hirst’s blinged skull, which is based on pre-Columbian examples after all:

Of course there may have been some glaring historical inaccuracies. But who cares.